Diwali and Mosquitoes

Woke up today, and saw around 20 messages on WhatsApp. Very unusual. I don’t even get that many messages on my birthday. But soon realized it’s Diwali and you have to face the misfortune of being in someone’s contact who sends a wish with to all of his contacts.

But what’s up with the Happy Diwali images man. I mean simply writing Happy Diwali is fine too, it’s not as if you sending a beautiful image with diyas and all and Happy Diwali somewhere in the middle makes any difference. The only difference it makes is in my phone’s gallery, which I like keeping empty.

I made a decent decision of not going home for Diwali. Too many people lead to too many awkwardness. So spent this Diwali with my parasitic friends, the quite little f*ckers, mosquitoes.

They are huge in number too. But they don’t make me feel awkward you know, only as long as they don’t give me malaria or something, because then I am f*cked.

But you have to pick and choose your mosquito buddies. I try to catch and kill most of them. Some days I catch like 10–15, which I call a ‘Good Mosquito Day’ and the very next day I can’t catch even a single one of them, a ‘Bad Mosquito Day’. Still my day is good or not depends on the kills I make and whether my tiffin guy gives me Rajma Chawal or not. There’s possibly no way someone should think it’s fine to make Rajma Chawal on Diwali.

It’s like that reverse psychology thing. You think of things that shouldn’t happen, and they are exactly the things that do happen. You kill many in day and think wow good kills today, and the next day you get nothing.

No matter how many I kill, they just keep on coming. It’s like you kill 15 in a day, and somehow 15 will replace them. No idea how. I don’t keep the windows and doors of my room open for long and there’s no clear gaps from where they can enter. Where on this earth are they coming from?

Which made me wonder how does these vermin actually reproduce.

Interestingly, unlike male mosquitoes, which will continue to mate until they die, most female mosquitoes will mate just once. They store sperm for the rest of their lives to fertilize tons of eggs, the amount of which depends on the ambient temperature and blood. They typically produce one batch of eggs for every blood meal they take and you could get one egg batch every 7 days. And how many mosquitoes can they lay in a batch? 200 eggs or more.

200.

F*ck me.

Clearly the only kill that matters is that of a female with eggs. All men are trash.

Still, I have piled up more than 60 bodies of mosquitoes unintentionally. And am thinking what to do with them. Luckily, I burnt their bodies in a diya today. Paid my respect to them, for they didn’t give me malaria or dengue. But they still keep on coming in the evening, which means the female is lurking out there somewhere. I have to catch her.

Till now this reverse psychology thing has worked well for me. I think every mosquito that bites me is going to give me malaria; everyday, the tiffin guy is going to give me Rajma Chawal. And none of those things have happened for quite some time.

So, it’s good going as long as this reverse psychology thing does not reverse itself after me writing this secret. Because once you reveal the secret out in the open, it’s over.

P.S.: The tiffin just arrived, and guess what man, it’s Rajma-fucking-Chawal. Beautiful.